ask-a-black-knight

ask-a-black-knight:

ask-a-black-knight:

infected-at-birth:

knightoscarofastora:

ask-a-black-knight:

((theme for dark souls fans))

I like to think they’re drinking estus.

Bunch of knights drunk on too much estus, spinning and dancing around firelink shrine.

Siegmeyer hiccupping on the grass
Sieglinde trying to roll her father over
Solaire leaning up close and singing with the Chosen Undead really loudly
Logan and Griggs spectating (and reading) from a safe distance.
Lautrec breaking bottles on people’s heads
Anastacia smiling and clapping softly
Laurentius chugging 
Patches knocked out on the floor (probably hit by Lautrec)
Crestfallen warrior watching them in annoyance of the noise

[Frampt faintly crying in the distance cause he can’t leave his hole.]

The replacement Black Knight in the catacombs banging his broom on the ceiling in anger

Let’s not forget Creighton and Pate fighting it out

scarvesandsillystraws
ask-the-flesh-thief:

j0ye:

OKAY SO I’M GONNA DROP A STORY ON Y’ALL 
MY FOLLOWERS KNOW THAT I’M PRETTY UNIQUE LOOKING
I HAVE A GNARLY UNDERCUT, A SHORT HAIRCUT, AND AS OF YESTERDAY MY HAIR IS BRIGHT PURPLE, AND I TEND TO WEAR CLOTHES OF THE ALL-BLACK-SHORT-SKIRTS-THIGH-HIGHS-INTIMIDATING-HEAD-BITCH-IN-CHARGE VARIETY
MY FOLLOWERS ALSO KNOW THAT I HAVE A RAD LITTLE THREE-YEAR-OLD SON NAMED OLIVER WHO IS MY WORLD
ONE DAY, OLIVER AND I WERE AT THE STORE, AND WE WERE WALKING PAST THE CEREAL, SINGING A SONG TOGETHER AND OVERALL JUST BEING CUTE BECAUSE WE’RE FUCKING ADORABLE, AND THIS MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WAS WALKING THE OTHER WAY WITH HER HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER. I’M USED TO PEOPLE STARING AT ME, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING I WAS ROCKING BLUE HAIR AND A OUIJA BOARD SHIRT AND A HELLA CUTE VELVET MINISKIRT THIS SPECIFIC DAY, SO I IGNORED HER GLARING AT ME AND CONTINUED ON LOOKING AT THE PANDA PUFFS
THEN I STARTED HEARING HER MUTTER UNDER HER BREATH ABOUT ME, SAYING STUFF LIKE, “Irresponsible teen mom couldn’t keep her legs closed” AND, “Her son is going to be so messed up because she has absolutely no self-respect”
NORMALLY I JUST LET IT GO, BUT THAT DAY OLIVER AND I WERE SINGING THE SHINS SO I WAS IN A REALLY GOOD MOOD AND FELT CONFIDENT, SO I STOPPED MY CART AND SAID, “Excuse me, did you say something?”. SHE KINDA STARTED BLUSHING AND SAID NO, TO WHICH I REPLIED, “Well, it seems you kinda did say something. Something about me being irresponsible and not having respect for myself?” AND THIS WOMAN WAS BRIGHT RED AT THIS AND HER HUSBAND WAS JUST TRYNA HURRY HER ALONG AT THAT POINT BUT I HELLA WAS NOT GONNA LET HER GET AWAY WITH SHIT TALKING ME SO I SAID, “You know, I do respect myself. I have my hair like this because I respect myself enough to do it and have the confidence to pull it off, and I dress like this because I respect the fact that I have killer legs that I don’t want to hide just because some old crows glare at me over it. My self-respect has nothing to do with my parenting ability, but if it did, I’d say it’s been a positive correlation because my son is respectful of everyone and doesn’t judge people based on their appearances. He knows that people look how they do because that’s just how they want to look, and that’s how all three-year-olds are until they get to the age where they see the fact that their parents are scowling at a girl who has bright hair, or a boy who wears a skirt, and that’s the age where they become insufferable assholes like you.” AND LET ME JUST SAY THIS WOMAN’S JAW DROPPED FASTER THAN THE TRIX BOX SHE WAS HOLDING AS I FUCKIN SASHAYED OUT WITH MY PANDA PUFFS AND CARRIED ON SINGING~*~*~

//you’re my hero

ask-the-flesh-thief:

j0ye:

OKAY SO I’M GONNA DROP A STORY ON Y’ALL 

MY FOLLOWERS KNOW THAT I’M PRETTY UNIQUE LOOKING

I HAVE A GNARLY UNDERCUT, A SHORT HAIRCUT, AND AS OF YESTERDAY MY HAIR IS BRIGHT PURPLE, AND I TEND TO WEAR CLOTHES OF THE ALL-BLACK-SHORT-SKIRTS-THIGH-HIGHS-INTIMIDATING-HEAD-BITCH-IN-CHARGE VARIETY

MY FOLLOWERS ALSO KNOW THAT I HAVE A RAD LITTLE THREE-YEAR-OLD SON NAMED OLIVER WHO IS MY WORLD

ONE DAY, OLIVER AND I WERE AT THE STORE, AND WE WERE WALKING PAST THE CEREAL, SINGING A SONG TOGETHER AND OVERALL JUST BEING CUTE BECAUSE WE’RE FUCKING ADORABLE, AND THIS MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WAS WALKING THE OTHER WAY WITH HER HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER. I’M USED TO PEOPLE STARING AT ME, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING I WAS ROCKING BLUE HAIR AND A OUIJA BOARD SHIRT AND A HELLA CUTE VELVET MINISKIRT THIS SPECIFIC DAY, SO I IGNORED HER GLARING AT ME AND CONTINUED ON LOOKING AT THE PANDA PUFFS

THEN I STARTED HEARING HER MUTTER UNDER HER BREATH ABOUT ME, SAYING STUFF LIKE, “Irresponsible teen mom couldn’t keep her legs closed” AND, “Her son is going to be so messed up because she has absolutely no self-respect”

NORMALLY I JUST LET IT GO, BUT THAT DAY OLIVER AND I WERE SINGING THE SHINS SO I WAS IN A REALLY GOOD MOOD AND FELT CONFIDENT, SO I STOPPED MY CART AND SAID, “Excuse me, did you say something?”. SHE KINDA STARTED BLUSHING AND SAID NO, TO WHICH I REPLIED, “Well, it seems you kinda did say something. Something about me being irresponsible and not having respect for myself?” AND THIS WOMAN WAS BRIGHT RED AT THIS AND HER HUSBAND WAS JUST TRYNA HURRY HER ALONG AT THAT POINT BUT I HELLA WAS NOT GONNA LET HER GET AWAY WITH SHIT TALKING ME SO I SAID, “You know, I do respect myself. I have my hair like this because I respect myself enough to do it and have the confidence to pull it off, and I dress like this because I respect the fact that I have killer legs that I don’t want to hide just because some old crows glare at me over it. My self-respect has nothing to do with my parenting ability, but if it did, I’d say it’s been a positive correlation because my son is respectful of everyone and doesn’t judge people based on their appearances. He knows that people look how they do because that’s just how they want to look, and that’s how all three-year-olds are until they get to the age where they see the fact that their parents are scowling at a girl who has bright hair, or a boy who wears a skirt, and that’s the age where they become insufferable assholes like you.” AND LET ME JUST SAY THIS WOMAN’S JAW DROPPED FASTER THAN THE TRIX BOX SHE WAS HOLDING AS I FUCKIN SASHAYED OUT WITH MY PANDA PUFFS AND CARRIED ON SINGING~*~*~

//you’re my hero

plagueofgripes

metalgearwhale asked:

Hey Pat, in DS2 did you ever bother fighting the Ancient Dragon? I think I have made a HUGE mistake challenging this guy, his one tough mother fucker.

angrierpat answered:

I used Gowers ring to beat him back before the patch nerfed it. Now there’s no point, it’s not worth it.

plagueofgripes:

It’s a stupid cheese fight. It’s not even really a fight. More of a repetitive action. Basically the only thing he can kill you with is this flying fire breath attack, which covers almost the whole arena and will probably kill you in one hit.

What you do is stand about 10-20 meters (whatever) in front of him so he starts up his stupid normal fire breath attack, then run to the right (his left) and whack on his front arm a few times. Since he’s a dragon he’s too stupid to notice someone is chopping off his limbs, and can’t be bothered to stop breathing fire at absolutely nothing. Fucking chode. Then run away to the edge of the arena, since by that point he’s probably already flying up in the air to do his special little “I’m a pretty princess and I always win!” fire attack. Let him get it out of his system, then run back in front of his face and repeat. Just keep doing that until he dies, since he’s too stupid to change that pattern. You’ll die a couple times trying to figure out the sequence, and maybe a couple more from trying to hurry the shit show along, but it’s actually pretty easy.

The fight proves two things: 1) all dragons are walnut brained cowards that can’t win a fight unless they can cheat and 2) DS2 doesn’t really know what an actual challenge is, and just relies on cheap bullshit. But no, the fight isn’t worth it. It’s a waste of time brownie points fight. The illusion that you’re fighting a badass dragon only works on the inexperienced. Once you figure out what’s going on, it becomes clear you’re fighting the equivalent of a wind up toy. I wish there was a racist term for dragons so I could be racist towards the Ancient Dragon. Fuck dragons.